The Best Worst Movies Ever Made (or Seen)

Have you ever heard someone tell you that they have just seen “the worst movie ever made?” Although perhaps they mean (or may even say) “the worst movie I have ever seen,” reality tells us that they may not be correct. Indeed, one friend of mine tells me that he just saw the worst movie ever made three or four times each year. I simply inform him that judging a movie by a walking out or by turning off the DVD or by falling asleep while watching does not in and of itself make it the worst movie ever made.

Indeed, this Videot has fallen asleep both in the theaters and at home while watching a film but through years of scientific research has determined that the sleep mode is caused either by simply being tired or consuming too much alcohol. The Videot will not now or ever judge a movie by that standard.

The Videot also cannot judge a movie by simply turning it off or walking out of the theater. Be it a classic film or "the worst movie ever made," one cannot claim they have seen the worst movie ever made or the worst movie "I have ever seen" and less one actually sees it.

M. Night Shyamalan's movie Unbreakable, for example, might very well have induced sleep for some of its patrons, and may have caused others to walk out due to its extremely slow pace. However, while this movie is not a classic, it is good enough based almost solely upon its twilight zone twist of an ending. Anyone who slept or walked out may have missed out on why the movie might be good.

All that being said this Videot recommends not that moviegoers and DVD watchers decide that any movie is the worst ever made or the worst ever seen but rather find a threshold line and run with it. For example, years ago a movie going friend and I went to see a horror film starring John Cassavetes. For the uninitiated, John Cassavettes was a movie actor, screen writer and director (married to actress Gena Rowlands), and nominated for Oscars three times, who wrote and directed a variety of good low-budget films using his income as an actor to keep himself afloat. Up until seeing The Incubus, we did not understand that John Cassavetes income was made from any movie that was offered to him.

The Incubus was a film about a demon from hell who murders women by raping them and exploding their uteruses from the inside. Had we known what the film was about before seeing it we may have avoided altogether. But we did not walk out. At the time, my friend and I jokingly indicated it was the worst movie ever made. Now frankly, this is not true. I have seen many poorly made films on Friday nights on Cinemax (did I just say that out loud?) that are far worse than The Incubus. Almost any movie starring Brian Bosworth is by definition a worse movie than The Incubus. Certainly Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a worse movie than The Incubus.

However, I have since consistently used The Incubus as a threshold below which I refuse to fall. When talking to this friend about a movie I may have seen I will always remark that it was better (or worse) than The Incubus.

So set your threshold and run with it. You have not ever seen the worst movie ever made, but you certainly will know one when you see one.